Just Because I Have To

Okay, I apologize in advance.  This post is going to go all over the place.  And yes, I know I am complaining.
All I want is some adult conversation and to not be needed for an hour.  Longer would be nice, but an hour would be awesome in and of itself.  I sit around my house all day taking care of two kids.  I know, it sounds easy, right?
Well, I have a soon to be 5 year old who now sleeps and night and is up all day.  And a daughter who seems to be going through a constant growth spurt who stays awake all night.  I should also add here that she needs constant human contact, so I'm lucky if I get to eat my microwaved food while it's still hot.  I've been living off of pretzels and cheez-its.  I'm not joking.  I also survive on soda since I really, really need the caffeine and we need to buy coffee filters.  Oh, and even if we did buy them, I wouldn't want to drink it since it is hot and I am constantly holding my daughter and I'm afraid that I would spill since I do that a lot and she would get burned.
I will admit it.  I am jealous of my husband.  He gets to leave the house and talk to other adults.  I know his life isn't all fun and games, but it's really hard to imagine that it's not when I am so tired.  I know he works hard and he's trying really hard to keep up on all his school stuff.
My husband left me the car yesterday when he went to work, just in case I wanted to go somewhere.  Sounds nice, right?  I really could have left and seen people.  Here's the problem:  I'm deathly afraid of cars.  I'm not kidding.  I was in two accidents and for some reason, I freak out at the idea of getting in the car.  If I'm driving, I have to force myself to remain calm.  I only drive when the roads are empty.  You'd think it would end there, right?  No.  It doesn't.  I'm afraid to let other people drive me or even my kids.  I'll admit that when my husband takes my son somewhere without me, I freak out.  I sit in the house and try to take my mind off things.  But if anyone knows how the female brain works, they know it's hard.  I can't barely sit there calmly while my husband is driving me.  He's the only one who can handle my "backseat driving."  I'm constantly reminding him of stop signs and stuff.  Don't get me started when someone else is driving.  I bite my ton and pray the entire time.
Should I go see someone about that?  Yes.  I really should.  However that requires time and money.  We aren't exactly making what my husband made in the military.  When he was in the military, I could have seen someone, but that means that my husband would have to ask for time off and it is pretty much impossible to tell them that something else out there is more important.  Honestly, what's more important than the safety of our Marines?  So I didn't go because again, I would have to find a sitter and drive my husband in to work (rush hour) and then drive myself in to appointments.  No thank you.
Let's be honest.  Most of the women around here suck.  They really do.  I think I met a few great ladies and I really hope so because I need friends.  I need someone I can talk to.  Someone who understands that it gets annoying to never be able to stop and just take a break.
So while I love my family and my life, I am tired.  I am so tired of trying to stay awake since one kid or another is always awake.  I'm tired of having to try to remember everything.  I'm tired of having no one to talk to.  I'm tired of my house being a disaster.
Yes, I am working on changing this.  Thank you for letting me rant.  I'm sorry if you actually read this all.  I just really needed to get it all out of my system.